No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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