So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
