Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Non-Jews are for practice
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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