i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
