after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We left the knife in your bed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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