who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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