You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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