You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
