We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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