He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Randomize
