I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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