how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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