When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
