my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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