I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
