I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
