Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
