you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
