she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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