so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
