That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
