Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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