thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
