I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
