Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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