Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
