Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
