you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
