cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
