Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize