i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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