i may or may not be watching the land before time
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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