hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
