he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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