I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
