Need sex. Gaining weight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
