Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
