I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
