ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
