also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
