Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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