It's Friday. Sex?
His hands were made for my vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
