You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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