Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
