I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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