This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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