I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
