Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
