Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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