i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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