The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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