yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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