Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
