I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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