When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So vagazzling was a success
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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