Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
