I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
