dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
