Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
