just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
