I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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