Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
