you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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