Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
