Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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