He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
