What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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