Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
