i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
