rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
