I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
