butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
