Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
