if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
